Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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