You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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