Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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