WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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