if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
