What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
