his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They took my balls.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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