Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I party with great urgency now.
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