I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I FOUND THE LEGS
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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