i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
