Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
