We won't sleep together?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
