The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
