Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
