I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
