i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
