i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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