My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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