OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
