you have to choose: penises or morals?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
