i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
