She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
