He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
