I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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