i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
