i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
