So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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