If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
