I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
