dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
