hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
