Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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