Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
