just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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