Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
