So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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