We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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