I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
