I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
