I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
