I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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