The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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