i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
