Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
