Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
