thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
