at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
