Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
