can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
