After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
