I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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