All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
