i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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