Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
