I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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