the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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