To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
