I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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