I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
