Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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