chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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