How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
