what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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