If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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