Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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