Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Boobs speak an international language.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
