Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
