They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
