i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
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The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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